Sometimes, your best-intentioned comments can prevent employees from trying new skills, resolving conflicts and solving problems. To build staff members' self-reliance, follow these guidelines:

. Don't offer "the solution" to a problem. Avoid advice that starts with "If I were you…" that restricts employees' development and forces them to depend on you. Better: Make staffers work to find solutions. Tell them: "That's a tough problem. Why don't you come up with some options, and we'll discuss them?"

. Don't hijack conversations. When an employee comes to you with a problem, do you say "That reminds me of the time…?" Better: Retire your war stories and ask probing questions to get to the heart of the staff member's dilemma. Examples: "When did you first discover the problem?" "How do you want to handle it?"

. Don't downplay their concerns. When employees are worried or upset, don't offer dismissive reassurances such as "Don't worry about it" or "You're making too much of the situation." Better: Show employees that you understand their concerns, and try to ease their minds by showing them the "bigger picture." Example: "John, I know you're worried that sales are down. But we traditionally have a minor slump toward the end of summer."